tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 6, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EDT
it's closing argument time. well, the phoenix suns tonight wore jerseys that read "los suns" in their nba playoff victory against the spurs. it was a political statement against arizona's new immigration law, one critics say invites racial profiling. president obama said he's committed to his own federal immigration reform and saluted the suns' move. >> i know that a lot of you would rather be watching
tonight's game, the spurs against los suns from phoenix. >> so, tonight we want to ask you, did the suns do the right thing? are professional sports an appropriate place for this kind of political debate? tell us what you think on the "nightline" facebook page, where we invite you to be a fan of the show, or the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. and that is our report for tonight. i'm terry moran. for martin bashir and cynthia mcfadden and all of us at abc news, good night, america. hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a very special celebration tonight brought to you by the ford fiesta. what a car. push-button start, incredible fuel economy and just plain fun to drive. now, guillermo, a couple of nights ago you told us that eric estrada came to new a dream and
told you to form a dance group to celebrate cinco de mayo. right? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: what was the name? >> gare-motion. >> jimmy: i love it. ed ready to dance? >> i never be ready in my life, jimmy. >> jimmy: i know you haven't. let's do it. time to celebrate cinco de mayo with gare-motion. >> start the music! >> cinco de mayo. this is for eric estrada, and you jimmy kimmel, and everybody who loves to dance. it's party time! gare-motion time. ♪ ♪ do you like fiesta and now let's dance.
you've made me happy. >> okay. >> dicky: the ford fiesta. available in dealerships this summer. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with christa miller, music from godsmack and samuel l. jackson. ♪ the breaking day is dawning. ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go, ♪ ♪ it's alright. ♪ and when i get the same reaction. ♪ ♪ i know this time ♪ it's gonna give some satisfaction. ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go. ♪
it activates on contact leaving youskin moisturized. it's clinically proven to fight skin dryness better than any regular men's body wash... leaving your skin feeling comfortable. be comfortable in your own skin. yeah, this trip is way overdue. i just can't wait to see all those crunchy lakes in action., i hope i get a chance to put two scoops!™ of raisins in some oxes. you know what will really ge us in the spirit?
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and now, if that's not enough, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, i'm jimmy. welcome. thank you for cinco-ing your demde mayo tonight. we're commemorating the mexican army's surprise victory over sobriety back in 1862. oddly, cinco de mayo is more popular here than it is in mexico. is that right? >> yes. >> jimmy: it's to us what david hasselhoff is to germany.
in arizona, celebrations were muted. normally they have a lot of celebration there in arizona because of the new immigration bill, though, they didn't. tonight, the phoenix suns demonstrated their support for the latino community by renaming their team, they're playing an nba playoff game against the spurs. first, i guess the plan was for the players to wear sombreros during the game, but that made it hard to dunk, so, they renamed the team los suns. that's something. i don't know what that says, but though the clippers didn't make the playoffs, they are supporting. they are now the los-ers. it good to see people coming together. [ applause ] i guess some latino residents of arizona opted not to celebrate this year because of fears of gathering in a public place, for real, and that is a shame. people should haven't to show i.d. to prove they're american,
just because their skin is brown. i don't know how that makes sense, but until something is done about it, in arizona, they do, so, to be on the safe side, we put together this video instrekting those affected how to safely celebrate cinco de mayo in the state of arizona. >> how to celebrate cinco demy yeah no arizona. first, do it quietly in the privacy of your own home. preferably in the basement. second, make it appear you're celebrating another holiday, like christmas, or maybe a burst day. celebrate safely and have a happy cinco de mayo in lovely arizona. >> merry christmas. [ applause ] >> jimmy: feliz navidad to everyone, too. they still haven't been table to stop that oil spill in the gulf of mexico. that's too light of a word for what's happening there. 200,000 gallons of oil are
spewing into the oil. if your kids spill that much sunny d, you would spank him for the rest of his life, right? the gulf coast looks like the hot tub on "jersey shore." it's disgusdisgusting. mother's day is on sunday, don't forget. i still steal change from -- just to keep her on her toes, you know? there could be a flower shortage this year because tiger woods bought them all. no -- actually the flower shortage is because, i guess the flower supply that normally comcome s to the united states comes through mexico and through the gulf, they're having trouble with that. america's florists are clever, and they figured out a way to make the most of this situation. >> give your mother a memorable gift she'll never forget. now, for the first time ever,
you can name an oily otter after her. the international oily otter registry has a limited number of crude covered otters from the gulf coast. we will 'tag your mom's name to one of our otters. she will receive a certificate of authenticity. what a bgreat way to remember mm and a environmental disaster. >> no refounds for dead otters. >> jimmy: that's -- [ applause ] normally -- normally i get my mother a gerbil dipped in chocolate, but that's good, too. this is interesting. a new study found that being even slightly overweight increases a child's risk of being bullied.
more so than race, gender, family income levels or being a buck tooth brillo head. being fat is what kids get beat up. fortunately, all american kids are now fat, so this really doesn't affect anyone. the fat kids were the bullies. we had one fat kid in our class, he had a fate nam name, too, an did not mess with mark. i don't know when this changed. but if bullies are taking lunch money away from fat kids, maybe not such a terrible thing. more details are -- [ applause ] no, no -- all right, go ahead. more details about the times square bomber, faisal shahzad. should we call him the times square bomber? he didn't manage to bomb anything. they should call him the times square dudder. authorities say he used the wrong kind of fertilizer in his bomb, which is what happens when you don't watch martha stewart.
one funny thing, when a foreigner becomes a subject of a news story, watching news reporters trying to pronounce the person's name. >> we have the very latest on the time square terror suspect. we were just finding out about the bomber, faisal shazam. >> jimmy: captain marvel tried to bomb new york? it's shocking. i thought he was a good guy. his name is faisal shahzad. he's apparently talking to authorities. today, it was reported that he went to terrorist camp in pakist pakistan. who are these parents that are sending their kids to terrorist camp? and what do you do for fun there? sneak over to the girl's tent and force them to marry your 60-year-old uncle? rush limbaugh announced today that shahzad is a registered democrat who gave money to the
obama campaign. he did. which is only partially correct. he didn't give money to the campai campaign. his name is shahzad, though, so, that's a third truth. justin bieber ran into kim kardashian of all people and after meeting him, kim posted this picture on her twitter page and tweeted, i officially have bieber fever. which, i guess, enraged his, i don't know, fans. justin tweeted, look, it's my girlfriend, and the young girls who love justin bieber went nuts because, i guess they think kim kardashian is going to forcibly take his virginity from him. she said, i'm getting death threats from your fans, this is unbelievable. and then justin tweeted back, ladies, call down, kim is a friend, but a very sexy friend.
no need for threats. one minute, this kid is a normal canadian in grade ten. six months later, he's with kim kardashian. that, my friends, is the power of the bowl hair cut. i have to get on this twitter. i really do. and by the way, listen, millions of 7-year-old justin bieber fans, i know you hate kim, but whatever you do, do not google her. you will see things you probably shouldn't see until you're at least as old as nick jonajonas, so -- you may have seen this. on sunday night, a 17-year-old kid ran onto the field during a phillies game. the security guards and police are chasing him. he's a lot faster than all of them. unfortunatery for him, there was a policeman with a taser. he zapped him and the kid is fine. he was charged with trespassing. that's the shot when the
policeman got him. some people believe the police used excessive force, which, they did, but the police say they didn't. but it got me thinking, what if our security staff at this show had been there, what if they were the ones protecting the field? now, this is the heart and soul of our security team. adolina, ricky and peggy rose. what we did, we armed them, we gave them each their very own taser and now you'll see they are on a field and you'll see here that's my cousin sal. now, we told them to try to subdue sal if he were a crazy fan on the field. and here's sal. he's actually taunting them. sal's pretty speedy -- what they don't know is, we took the hooks out so sal is pretended to be inxat stated right now. they don't know that and they're not stopping pressing the button, either. you see, two of them are concerned about sal's well being. the other, not quite as much.
now, sal is pretending to be down and incapacitated here. okay, so, now sal -- this is when the empire strikes back. peggy rose is still up and she's got her taser going and watch this now. not only -- and -- [ applause ] the wig. >> i'm going to kick your ass. jimmy isn't going to know you when he sees you. [ applause ] and that -- and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why our security guards here aren't allowed to have guns. we have a good show for you tonight. christa miller is here. we have music from godsmack. and we'll be right back with samuel l. jackson, so stick around.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. happy cinco de mayo. with us tonight, from "cougar town," the fetching and funny christa miller is here. then, prepare your ears for war. their new album, "the oracle," came out yesterday. godsmack, from the bud light outdoor stage. i think i'm going to tweet. you know, i've been resisting for a long time. i signed up -- this afternoon i have 477 followers. i don't know how that -- how does this work? people become my slaves when they sign up, right? i've never done this before and i have a strong, strong feeling that i'm going to regret doing it. but here we go. all right? um -- well, maybe since it's
cinco de mayo i should type something in spanish. what should i put in here? >> um -- maybe feliz cinco de mayo? >> how do you say boring in spanish? how do you say, i want to make love to justin bieber. tell me. okay. >> joe -- >> jimmy: joe? >> i'll say it in spanish. >> jimmy: who is joe? >> joe, me. >> jimmy: your name's guillermo. this is going to turn into an abbott and costello routine. joe who? joe momma? >> in spanish, joe, y-o -- [ speaking in foreign language ] >> jimmy: h-a-c-e-r?
like cone justin bieber? >> no, amore. i got that in there. i'm not an a-moron. i heard that. [ speaking in foreign language ] >> jimmy: justin bieber. you mean yustin bieber. and then i'm going to just -- it's done. it happened. there we go. it's done. i have to say, i've never felt more ashton curbery in my life. and if people want to twitter me, how do they find my handle is. that is a cb -- remember handles in the '70s? you could talk with truckers on cbs. now we have twitter and we wear trucker hats. what do people do? oh, it's on the screen. go to that. that's my name. no space in the middle.
and then, i don't know what happens after that. i guess i'm up all night long answering these things. all right. well, there we go. that's it. it wasn't that great. all right. i'll do one later, maybe, all right? hey, you know oush firr first g tonight as a jedi night, a scripture-spouting hit man, a stowaway serpent exterminator, and now as a one-eyed government operative named nick. his new movie "iron man 2" opens in theaters friday. please say hello to samuel l. jackson. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good to see you. you look great. i like the jacket. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and it feels -- it's got a nice feel to it. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: do you twitter? >> no.
>> jimmy: i knew it wasn't cool. i know it's -- >> i got too many things to do during the day. i don't need people helping me do it. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. mother's day is coming up. i was thinking about it. some of your best, beloved movie lines have the word mother in them. >> yes, they do. yes, they do. >> jimmy: that's a special day for them. [ applause ] >> that's because i'm always thinking of her when i'm talking to people. >> jimmy: let's hope not. >> you know, it's an endaring term. >> jimmy: when you say it, it's endaring. when you hear it in traffic, it isn't. >> i was thinking, that's like the long way, whatever he told you, what is -- how about [ bleep ] justin bieber? >> jimmy: justin and i don't have that kind of relationship. i wonder if you can say that on tv. i guess we'll find out. >> we'll find out today, right? >> jimmy: if there's a bleep in espanol.
>> only in arizona. >> jimmy: a good ad campaign. you have a big, big anniversary coming up. i hope i'm not just -- >> you're reminding me, too? everybody keeps telling me that. >> jimmy: do people feel like they need to tell you? >> everybody thinks i'm -- i forgot. i know. i'm not sure what it is. it's like paper, though, right? >> jimmy: i don't know, with 30 years, that's pretty -- i know it's something good. i don't think it's paper. >> well, depends on what kind of paper and whose picture is on the paper. >> jimmy: you would give your wife an envelope full of cash? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you just went to paris, i hear. >> actually, we went to baune -- >> jimmy: what? >> sounds like that, right? that's like three hours outside of paris in bordeaux where they have the wine. i don't drink. everybody there was kind of, you're not drinking, what?
i was like the weird guy. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> we went to the thriller film festival and i got a lifetime achievement award because i've done a couple of thrillers. >> jimmy: not the michael jackson "thriller," the movie thriller. >> they screened a couple of -- "long kiss good night" and "187" and some other stuff. >> jimmy: are you overdubbed? >> i met the guy that does my voice in france. he works a lot. >> jimmy: he does? >> yeah, he loves me. i met the guy in france, germany. i met at least four of those guys and they, you know, they're great. the guy in germany sounds a little strange, though. >> jimmy: it seems like you should be able to choose who does your voice in those countries, i mean, because they really could embarrass you. they could have a very feminine voice. >> somebody there has an opinion about what i sound like and what i should sound like. some places they don't -- germany, it's just -- germny's germany. you go to germany and they ask you questions like, samuel, how
many of your relatives are in prison? really? >> jimmy: they do? >> yeah. when you and morgan and denzel get together to talk about the racism in hollywood, how do you feel? >> jimmy: really? >> we don't have big black meetings. it's not happening like that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's crazy. wow. that's very -- >> my publicist kicked that lady out of the room that asked me that. >> jimmy: and how many are? >> that's only two. >> jimmy: i have more than that in my family. that has nothing to do with racism. >> have you have it. >> jimmy: i know you know, like, the ambassador, the u.s. ambassador to -- >> yeah, right. we went to paris for a couple of days and my wife actually e-mailed him because, to let him know we were coming because when we had michelle obama fund-raiser at our house during the campaign and he was there,
charlie. we e-mailed charlie, he was great, you're coming to town, and we went, we walked from the hotel to the consulate house and hung out there and walked down the street and had lunch and he told me he had been over in bundi in the ghetto where the kids we s were rioting, and th asked him what celebrity they would most like to meet and they said me and it just so happened, by us there, and he said, this is going to be really cool. this is like four days ago. so, now i'm going to take you over there tomorrow and they're going to think, he really deliverers. so, i went over to bundi and i met with a lot of young actors and directors who were voicing their displeasure with how things go in the community. they're basically stuck in, like, where black actors were in the '50s over here. not a lot of them on television. they here french people to play muslims and paint them and --
>> jimmy: they paint them? >> i guess so. i told them, you know, stop buying the products that are advertised on those shows and if they see they are a real block of people that affect economics in a certain way they'll work. but i told them the best thing for them to do is to create their own venues to make themselves visible, like -- they were kind of upset that the only things that represented them were not great things, like the movie "the prophet," which is a great movie, but it's about prison, and the guy gets to be a better convict when he gets out of jail. denzel won an academy award for playing a bad cop. it's just how it happens. and, you nope, you kind of do what you do. hallie berry won an academy award for screwing billy bob. >> jimmy: is that what she got it for? >> you do what you do. >> jimmy: you have another movie coming out this weekend -- >> yes. "mother and child." >> jimmy: coming out the same weekend at "iron man." >> kind of cool.
they are both very different films. "mother and child" is about adoption. about three women, really, anet benning had a baby when she was 14, she's never seen it and turns out to be may owe me watts who are now 31 and a lawyer. carrie washington can't have children, she wants to adopt a child, so, their stories weave together. >> jimmy: and you have sex with naomi watts in the movie. >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: that's your anniversary gift. being allowed to do that. >> having a torrid affair and just so happens the first thing we did in that movie when i saw her for the first time on the shoot, i met her socially, kind of hanging out. the first thing we had to do was that love scene. it's awkward. you have to do the scenes, you always ask the actors, where can i touch you -- >> jimmy: you do? >> i do. and then you apologize for, you
know, i'm sorry if i get excited and i'm sorry if i don't. [ applause ] and then you go ahead. >> jimmy: and which way did it go? >> well, it actually went great because -- >> jimmy: no, i meant -- >> no, no. she's in charge, so it's kind of one of those kind of, you know, she's the dominant person in the relationship and in that particular moment so, i mean, it's like, 30 people standing around -- >> jimmy: i hear that all the time. i could be in the middle of shea stadium with naomi watts. >> you are used to that, make videos at home, i guess it works out. >> jimmy: i guess you're right. well, and now "iron man," there are no sex scenes there. you're nick fury. he's in every marvel movie now, right? it's kind of the law -- >> i got a cool deal. i have a nine-picture deal. now i got to stay alive to make nine movies.
>> jimmy: that is the key. >> and this is only the, well, second go around for me. so, nick fury is a key character. this time i'm actually in the movie. you don't have to wait until the credits are over. i'm actually in the movie. >> jimmy: we have the clip here. you are meeting up with iron man in an unusual place. new movie, "iron man 2." take a look. >> sir! i'm going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut. >> i told you, i don't want to join your super secret boy band. >> no, no, i remember you, you do everything yourself. how is that working out? >> it's -- i'm sorry. i don't want to get off on the wrong foot. do i look at the patch or the eye? i'm not sure if you are real or if -- >> i am very real. i'm the realest person you're
ever going to meet. >> jimmy: there you go. "iron man 2" and "mother and child" opening on friday. samuel l. jackson, everybody. we'll be right back with christa samuel l. jackson, everybody. we'll be right back with christa miller. highway safety calls it a the insurfor "2010 top safety pick." consumers digest has called it a "best buy" two years in a row. and with a 100,000 mile powertrain warranty... we call it peace of mind. chevy malibu. during the spring event, qualified lessees, now get a 27-month, low mileage lease on this malibu ls for around $199 a month. call for details. see your local chevy dealer. new positively nourishing. fragrant moisturizers from aveeno, the naturals brand dermatologists trust most. active naturals formula's shown to lock in 24-hour moisture. new positively nourishing. only from aveeno.
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>> jimmy: hey, we're back. still to come, godsmack. you know our next guest from "the drew carey show," "scrubs" and now as the lone married woman surrounded by wild cougars and their prey on "cougar town." you can see it wednesday nights here on abc. please welcome christa miller. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how is everything? >> everything's great. >> jimmy: family is good? >> family's good. >> jimmy: are you done, on vacation now? >> we're finished. we're on hiatus. we had the big wrap party. >> jimmy: you did? very nice. >> i did get permission, i don't know if anyone is interested, in telling the best wrap party story ever. >> jimmy: you got permission? from whom? >> from the person it involves. i don't know if you're interested. >> jimmy: how could i not be interested? >> i have to see if i can phrase
it right. it involved a 6'7" gay black man and a little person. . >> jimmy: oh, excellent. >> i should tell it? okay. so, bill's producing partner who he's -- >> jimmy: bill is your husband -- >> bill lawrence. ran dan winston, he's the tall, gay gentleman. >> jimmy: your husband is not the tall, gay gentleman? he's straight-ish? >> straight-ish. let's be clear. we're at our wrap parties because we work -- bill hired all his friends to work on all of his shows so -- i don't know if you -- >> jimmy: i'm familiar with that, yes. >> so all of his friends work on the show, so our parties are a little bit off the hook and everybody celebrates heavily. so we had been celebrating in
vegas for the "scrubs" wrap party, same people on "cougar town" and they folded into the next day wrap party for the fin maley. now, there was an actor on the show marty who is the little person but he's very kind of hollywood handsome, has a corvette, picks up girls, very cool. he's holding court at the wrap party. i'm standing with bill, having another drink. and he's holding court with a couple of girls, like, are you guys actresses, you know, he's got his suit on and randall walks over to him, randall, so drunk, walks over to him, picks him up this high and goes, look at you, you're so cute! look at you and your suit. >> jimmy: no. how old a man is this he's picked up? >> i don't nope, 45? but the best -- i think perhaps this has happened before, is that he goes, randall walks
away, because he thinks it's fine and he goes on talking like nothing happened. >> jimmy: still hitting on the women? >> yeah. just keeps going. >> jimmy: let me say something about little people. tenacious. >> tenacious. they really are. >> i think he closed. >> jimmy: really? well, that would be a impressive. oh, there he ises rigis, right . wow. you know what, people do pick little people up. i've seen it happen and they don't like it. >> they don't. >> jimmy: and people think, oh, it's a novelty, but they don't want to be treated like they're clowns. >> i don't think they like it. i told, i mean, you know, my daughter will pick up my little boy all the time and i say, would you like to be picked up by a big giant all the time, and she said no. >> jimmy: i think it's okay when it's a little kid. but a 45-year-old little kid, it's not okay. that little kid has lost all his hair to pattern baldness it's no longer okay. this is why if i was a little person i would wear very pointy shoes all the time and if you
pick me up, you'd have a series of homes in your chest. like a woodpecker. that is what -- that's how i would handle this. now, you and your husband have an interesting relationship in that he is your boss at work but i socialized with the two of you and it seems like you are very much in charge with the personal life. true? >> true. but he's in charge at work and we get along great at work because i defer to him always but we are on hiatus now and that, you know, we're both not working. >> jimmy: the party's over for him. >> party is over. and he wants to hang out with me all the time and i -- >> jimmy: no. >> and i feel like hiatus is time for me to be with my girlfriends and i have a schedule. i have a schedule of what i do idea. what are you doing, who are you calling? so, i made a rule that i feel like he should get out of the house from 9:00 to 5:00. >> jimmy: like a child, almost,
like, go play with your friends. >> you should get out. and so she's very mad at me. so i want to say that i think that my being here and i really like you, you know, we're getting to know each other. >> jimmy: thank you. >> i feel like my being here might save my life. >> jimmy: in what way? >> i will tell you. i enjoy, i don't know if everyone else does, i enjoy the 48 hours mystery, those type of shows. >> jimmy: the real crime. >> it's like a little bit of poison in my house. i'm so addicted to that. so i watch the show, and always, you know, the husband's killed the wife. >> jimmy: right. that does seem to be a recurring theme. >> jimmy: the husband killed the wife. she hung out with unsavory people. you never know. but at minute 40, the guy with the creepy voice says, and then, suspicions turned to the husband. and then the husband, they cut to three days later is at hooters, arm around a bimbo,
doing a shot, like, yeah. so, bad timing. and he has changed the carpet in his basement and the trunk of his car. >> jimmy: which men never do unless something bad has happened. >> right. so, bill thinks he's going to kill me and get away with it. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> he thinks that he could maybe kill me, he's going to grieve for a year. >> jimmy: this is a challenge? >> it's a challenge. i'm driving him so crazy over hiatus, he's like, i'm going to kill you, and i'm not going to do with these idiots do. i'm not going to kill new the basement or in the trunk of the car. where is the camera -- i want to say, this is camera? bill -- you're not going to get away with it. everybody knows. >> jimmy: the jig is up. there you go. it's forever now. well, that's very wise, very wise. well, we'll keep an eye on him, believe me. christa miller, everybody.
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patience, son. ah! [ female announcer ] sometimes, you can get so much out of so little. woohoo! [ female announcer ] especially when it comes to charmin ultra soft. its ultra soft design is soft and absorbent. it has so much absorbency, you can use 7 sheets versus 28 of the leading value brand. so your family can get more out of less. mom's never gonna believe this one. [ female announcer ] charmin ultra soft. enjoy the go. ♪ oh pepperoni, how much i love yah ♪
♪ ♪ strut on by like a king telling everybody they know nothing ♪ ♪ long-lived what you thought you were time ain't on your side anymore, anymore ♪ ♪ and so you tell me i can't take my chances but i've told you one too many times and you ♪ ♪ were cryin' like a bitch ♪ i'm tougher than nails i can promise you that step outta line ♪ ♪ and you'll get
bitch slapped back and you can run your little mouth all day ♪ ♪ but the hand of god just smacked you back into yesterday and so you tell me i ♪ ♪ can't take my chances but i've told you one too many times and you were cryin' like a bitch ♪ ♪ and you wonder why no one can stand you there's no denying you were cryin' ♪ ♪ like a bitch you were cryin' like a bitch ♪ blinded by your sacred ♪ ♪ faded past times only time is your enemy granted a second chance to prove that your ♪ ♪ arrogance is
stronger than you'll ever be it's stronger than ♪ ♪ you can be ♪ oh, stronger than you can be ♪ oh, stronger than you can be ♪ and so ♪ ♪ you tell me i can't take my chances but i've told you one too many times ♪ ♪ and you were cryin' like a bitch and you wonder why no one can stand you ♪ ♪ there's no denying you were cryin' like a bitch you were cryin' ♪